Leaves

Howdy all,
First off, is anyone participating here? Are there time issues, idea issues, or technical issues? Hopefully we can get this rolling, because I'm here to vow for the incredible potential creating this space can offer.
Next, a deep curiosity is taking hold of me and has animated me to ask about the experiences with the prompt we left the last dialogue with, which concerned our recognition of "cultural conditioning" and how it related to the nature of the true/ absolute self.
As I understand, perspective is the master of our individuated experiences. Sometimes I feel bad referring to "I" because whats relevant about that? A lot actually, at least for me, at this stage of my development. To me, the idea of transparency has been really complex energy for me to sort out. It began as me suspending the entire idea of a "self" or of the experiences that "I" was having because well, from an Absolute perspective, the "I" seemed extremely relative, and unattractive. It was apparent how objectification was destructive, and how subjectivity was far more illuminating. However, the whole problem with radically trying to adopt the subjective experience before I had the deep knowing of experiencing the raw form of self that we spent our first "hunting trip" getting more in touch with, was that it gave off the feeling as though I were supposed to, and was supposed to WANT to, be invisible. As the poisionousness of invisibility is being vaccinated by realizing and participating in the idea of an absolute self, so is the idea that we are nothing. The energy of being invisible, and non-important, was NOT resonating with me...AT ALL. My perspective was limiting my potential, and left me feeling like I was completely paralyzed, yet had this incredible angsty urge to move. My fault here, was my ego's tendency to disempower, and separate me from the realization of whollism that I knew needed my employment. This was overwhelming...and painful. So, I dared to try and move from this paralization, to take a step without knowing how to walk, for the sake of the Urge itself.
It was at this point, when the concept of "becoming" became so incredibly powerful. To put this into EE language, it was almost as though I had melted so far into the ground of being, that I was now a blob of slime, but I still had a human form to deal with, and I didn't know what the hell to do! "BECOME!", something screamed ...and unfolding from functionless slime I began to realize the responsibility I had as a human. You see, this is why this teaching has been so remarkable for my development...because before I knew about the other people involved in this STRANGE and unrelatable but undeniably powerful experience I thought I was having, Evolutionary Enlightenment and becoming a part of the cosmocentric consciousness, seemed like some schizophrenic alter-ego thing I needed to try and sink. Consciousness was happening before my eyes, so I stayed tuned, thank goodness...but traditional philosophy, especially those rich in spiritual nature, seemed so dead end. I tried for a good while, to contain the urge to move beyond the ground of being that all of these teachings were encouraging we maintain. There is no possible way it stopped there...at the slime. Now, I feel more authentic in the ground of being, and not so much like slime...but it took running the risk of moving beyond what I ever thought and was taught was possible.
Speaking from a experiential perspective here: I don't discredit any of the experiences we are having in our relative lives...well because as I am maybe realizing, its from a pool of relative experiences that we are able to transmit the perspective of the Absolute. Sometimes fact that we are embodied, which seems SO relative, is rather haunting. Until we organize all of our downloads, there is potentially the biggest mess we will ever be faced with cleaning up...and somewhere in this mess is our cultural conditioning. It has never been so apparent to me, that the responsibility is our OPPORTUNITY!
So, as just as the leaves have fallen from the trees outside the window next to me, I follow suit. Dissolve the illusions, dissolve the mind, find the core. The experience we have together is a rarity...but for a good reason, I feel, we need to make it more frequent, and the only real way we can do that it to take responsibility for the "I" and create an experience of authenticity all the time, to the most radical degree. This seems accessible by maintaing perspective, and distributing it into every moment of life.
As I have been watching my experience of the conditioned mind, and drawing attention to the cultural influences that toxify the unconditional realm, there is something FAR more real that speaks in the very moment of noticing. Its been challenging to allow this authenticity to take the reigns, because it requires RADICAL change. In my relationships, in my motivations, in my values, and in MUCH of my thinking. I already thought I was doing a good job of filtering out the dust particles in my experience, but, just as the trees outside this window, there are a few leaves that have clung on and seem to stubbornly be holding their place. Part of me wants to go and pull them off, but I also realize that if I keep watching, the knots will untie themselves...
Then I wonder..."or is the urge to try to untie them something I should listen to?"
Having become discerning in the fact that there is fine line between creating, and manipulating, I will just keep watching...


I may have drifted from the point, or eluded one altogether, however, for me, expression has an element of freedom that is undeniable, so in order to maintain a spaciousness, I allowed myself to go on the ride of writing this, and staying in the creative process without manipulating thoughts or a pure intention...which began as the urge simply to express.

Hopefully the leaves are falling for all of us, What a blessing nature's metaphor is.